worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
