I got chris browned last night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
