I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize