just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
