just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
