First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
