# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
