I want to have your abortion
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
