I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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