he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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