You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
