I just cut my nipple shaving
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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