it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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