she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
