come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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