so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My dick has a subreddit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
