needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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