her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
