its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My feet surprised me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
