I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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