and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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