you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
