Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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