When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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