I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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