how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
