She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
