Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
