I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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