so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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