If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
