That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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