I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
