I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't deserve a penis
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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