Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
