I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
