i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
