what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
