my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
