I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
