The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
