Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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