since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
