Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
