Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
