He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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