Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
