sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
