i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
