oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can tuck mytits in my pants
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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