That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
