I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
