my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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