I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
