If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
