I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
