sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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