Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
