would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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