I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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