I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
