Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
