i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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