Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
