Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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