I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
