Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's never too late to be topless.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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