Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
