Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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