I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
