I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
