You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
