I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
