Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
