please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So many bounce houses so little time
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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