She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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