Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
