just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
