This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
